... I settled on a plan to start my life. There has'nt been a single day during my NS years that I've been looking forward to my bright future. When the day finally came, I was overwhelmed with happiness and sped on with my plans.
Then
Grey skies formed. Gradually, darker. I told myself its now or never. No point turning back on what's going to be a tumultuous year for me. As I sailed through, the storm grew with every distance. I was doing my best not to let it fly apart. Keeping it together, I just had to make it.
As time passes by, the storm tried to tear everything apart. Cracks were forming. I was on the edge of drowning and sinking into the depths.
Never.
Does'nt matter how the storm rages, I keep on pulling myself not to give it up despite the odds.
Yet, in the midst of it all, There's beacons of light streaming through the dark clouds. A reminder that there's light at the end of the tunnel. In this case, it shines the way to the other side, while the storm still rages on all sides.
Now that I've weathered the odds, Bruised n battered by the torrent, I have reached the other side of the journey. The destination is within reach from where I am.
I will get there.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Question...
Its been on my head since last week but keep forgetting about it.
EXACTLY HOW IMPORTANT AM I TO MY FRIENDS?
EXACTLY HOW IMPORTANT AM I TO MY FRIENDS?
Monday, December 07, 2009
I'M HAPPY FOR OTHERS
But I can't be happy for myself.
Am doing my best not to feel too unhappy about all this. Im not doing enough. To help myself.
The more I SEE, the more the wounds and tha pain will settle in.
Seriously.
How can I turn my back? Ive moved on. Into unhappiness.
Been keeping myself distracted, but it still doesnt work.
I can't lie to myself anymore. I can't lie that I am or will be smiling.
I can't.
Am doing my best not to feel too unhappy about all this. Im not doing enough. To help myself.
The more I SEE, the more the wounds and tha pain will settle in.
Seriously.
How can I turn my back? Ive moved on. Into unhappiness.
Been keeping myself distracted, but it still doesnt work.
I can't lie to myself anymore. I can't lie that I am or will be smiling.
I can't.
Saturday, December 05, 2009
What My Heart tells me...
Uneasy.Insecure.Lonliness.
This is what we've been going through. Everytime you seem to find happiness, it just flies away. leaving you grounded. You keep telling yourself "Its ok" when its not. When everyone's gone, Im the only one you have, apart from god.
If I could apparate myself into a living copy, and to see what you're going through with my own eyes, I'd be the one standing by beside you. I'd be tearing also to feel all these experiences. Thank god Im within you. We can only rely on each other.. Till the day comes.
Everyday, you ask yourself if you ever going to change, because you see change everywhere. And its rapidly increasing. You go to school, for a second chance at a lost oppotunity, but your plans which you shared wholeheartedly with me, now seems to crack into pieces. I know you're doing everything you can NOT to let it shatter. Then you go back to work. To earn personal income because you don't want mama n papa to give money everytime you need something. I feel the pain and the thought whenever that sum lands in your hands. Still, you are in school and this job isnt really stable. I understand your doubts about joining the force. You wanted to prove to everyone else you can be better than who you are because you wanted to undo the damage the past has caused to us.
Coming to relationships. Yes, your friends, circle and even flesh n blood are already committed into a relationship one way or another. Yes, they keep telling you to be patient or 'its not the time' yet when we know it is the time if not the beginning. We wanted a second chance, but it seems like its not coming anytime soon. There is jealousy at times. But we can't dwell on that.
Other people can't feel our pain, our sadness our times of content or happiness. Yes, they can offer their empathy but we have to heal the injuries ourselves.
No matter, I'm ALWAYS here.
This is what we've been going through. Everytime you seem to find happiness, it just flies away. leaving you grounded. You keep telling yourself "Its ok" when its not. When everyone's gone, Im the only one you have, apart from god.
If I could apparate myself into a living copy, and to see what you're going through with my own eyes, I'd be the one standing by beside you. I'd be tearing also to feel all these experiences. Thank god Im within you. We can only rely on each other.. Till the day comes.
Everyday, you ask yourself if you ever going to change, because you see change everywhere. And its rapidly increasing. You go to school, for a second chance at a lost oppotunity, but your plans which you shared wholeheartedly with me, now seems to crack into pieces. I know you're doing everything you can NOT to let it shatter. Then you go back to work. To earn personal income because you don't want mama n papa to give money everytime you need something. I feel the pain and the thought whenever that sum lands in your hands. Still, you are in school and this job isnt really stable. I understand your doubts about joining the force. You wanted to prove to everyone else you can be better than who you are because you wanted to undo the damage the past has caused to us.
Coming to relationships. Yes, your friends, circle and even flesh n blood are already committed into a relationship one way or another. Yes, they keep telling you to be patient or 'its not the time' yet when we know it is the time if not the beginning. We wanted a second chance, but it seems like its not coming anytime soon. There is jealousy at times. But we can't dwell on that.
Other people can't feel our pain, our sadness our times of content or happiness. Yes, they can offer their empathy but we have to heal the injuries ourselves.
No matter, I'm ALWAYS here.
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