Shining Hearts & Bleeding Arrows

Ah yes. Valentines day. Couples. Lovers. Married couples. And the people who wished they had one. Im under e last category btw.

OK2, despite all the advice n ppl tellin n askin me: "When you're gonna find her?" or "Dude, all of us are attached, n you're living a bachelor life..." Its nt that I DON'T wanna find one, just that I've gt restrictions. Yea, u might b thinkin dat im makin up excuses, but put yourself in my shoes, I've seen all kinds of relationships both e good n bad ones. And I Have a brief experience of what its like to be in one. I had to let it go coz of personal responsibilities and the fact that my own mom wont let me date ( SERIOUSLY ) coz she's gt freaked out and scared of all the sour relationships goin on arnd us and afraid that I might join the crowd. All this makes me feel insecure and that im doin things against my parent's will. Im really2 upset, angry, disappointed that I let a golden chance fly out of my hands. WTF, I've got friends who are in the same league as me, they've got themselves attached and their family accept that with happy hearts. WHY3 CANT I GET THAT SAME TREATMENT?!

You see now, all along I've been keepin my own heart and soul protected and its hard to open up to ppl esp if you're the type who have been caged all this time becoz you don't want to ruin your relationship. Technically, my friends are all the social circle I have left. But even they have their own lives to lead. Most are attached nw which leaves me pretty much alone most of the time.

Yes, there's family but I need balance. Seems that everybody has their own freedom key and im e only one locked in. All this time I've been puttin up a mask to hide the real face. I don't want people to see this as a weakness or loserface. Just that this problem has been around for years and there's no confirmed solution to it yet. And whatever emotions or feelings I have from that time onwards, I don't want to expose it too much.

5 SENSES

I Speak, Just not heard.

I See, At times out of sight

I Hear, With silent screams

I Feel, Emotional Waves

I Taste, Sweet joy, Bitter Pain

Red Oranges

Long weekend. yay. CNY celebrations. Go figure.

This means I can slack all I want throughout the weekend. Cant find much to do anyway. Went out y'dae and today. About 70% of the retail stores are closed for the season. Vivo, IMM n even down @ Jln Sultan its all e same picture. Even traffic are less chaotic. That's the positive.

Negative part is that I kept on thinking, why some ppl bothered to continue with their daily work routine. Even on public holidays they kept striding on. No wonder our economy's booming.
Hard work = Good Break. That's my formula for maintaining success.

February.

Seems like Jan never came by and suddenly its one month gone. Situations are somewhat same. Practically everybody's caught up with work and nothing else. Am I becoming too redundant? or that if I overworked myself I would end up in a stressful circle like before. Each weekend when I've gt nothing on e agenda, I try to cheer myself by hangin out wif my friends, but this time its a totally different story now. Each and one is occupied with thier own lives. There's time where I cld go months on end w/o seeing them. When we meet up its only a couple of hrs then disappear again. Where does this leave me now? Start all over again? keep on waiting or walk on alone?